Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Easter and Bluebonnets!

Oops.  Looks like I never posted this one.

In Texas it is tradition to take pictures with the bluebonnets each year.  The pop up in April and put out an impressive display in the parks and highways.  In some places it looks like a blue carpet with green speckles.  Conference weekend I threatened cajoled persuaded the children to put on their Sunday best.

Christine was kind enough to snap most of the pictures for us.

Aunt Christine

Here are some of the highlights from Easter.  I really did take a long blogging hiatus!  

No! No! No!

There are many things I could and should write about, such as the start of an new school year, new news in the family, birthdays, or our recent trip to London.  However, before I forget, I need to share a recent potty story.  It has been a while, and I do have my priorities, after all.

I caught Isaac hoping from one foot to the other and shimmying his bottom back and forth.  I could tell it wasn't a new dance phase, and that he really needed to use the bathroom before it reached emergency status.  Emergency status could only be minutes (seconds?) away.  He was playing on the computer at the time, and he hates to be interrupted for mere bodily functions.

"Isaac, I think you need to go potty, hop to the bathroom."

"No!  I don't need to go potty!"

"Isaac it isn't a choice.  Just sit on the potty and try."

"No.  I don't have any pee!"

"It's okay if you can't go, just try."

"No, I won't do it."

"Son, go!"


At this point I physically escorted him to the bathroom and closed the door.  He promptly opened the door to leave all while hollering his outrage.  I really didn't want an accident on the carpet!  Seeing that my plan wasn't working, I joined him in the bathroom, stripped off his pants, and deposited him on the toilet.  Then I turned on the bathtub water.  No Ellis child who has to use the bathroom can resist the sound of water.  Sure enough seconds later the flood gates were released.  When Isaac realized that his body had betrayed him, he grabbed his penis and yelled, "No! No! No!"  This did not work in the slightest, and against his will he just kept going, and going, and going.  It was most impressive.

Finally when done, he sobered up, "I need to wash my hands."


Monday, October 28, 2013

Possibly the dumbest thing I've done in my adult life

I was playing in the toy room with Isaac on Friday night.  His attention alighted on Rachel's old stethoscope, now moonlighting as a toy.  He tried it on his chest.  Nothing.  He tried it on my chest.  Still nothing.

"Fait voir," I told him.  Let me see it.  He handed it to me and I noticed that one of the kids over the years -- it could even have been Matthew -- had gnawed and worried at the grommets (earpieces) until they came off.

I settled it gingerly in my ears.  It was pokey and uncomfortable but not painful.  I put the scope over my chest and ... the right side slipped.  Into my ear.

The pain was blinding, searing.  I pulled it out as fast as I could, vocalizing something like "aaaaahhhhh!"

Isaac was solicitous.  "You fait bobo, Daddy?"

I could feel the blood starting to pool, but the pain dulled quickly.  To make a long story short, I scraped the hell out of the ear canal but the eardrum wasn't ruptured.

"My wife already told me not to stick sharp things in my ears," I told the doctor, "so we can skip past that part."  He was sympathetic.  "To tell the truth, I did that with a stethoscope too once."

But public enemy number one, according to this ENT, is Q-tips.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

March peanuts

  • Rachel, to a grumpy Corinna: "It's not always about you, kid. Sometimes, it's about dinner."
  • Picked up a subdued and somewhat anxious Isaac from Sunday School today. He had a coloring page with a cake with an 8 on top. Waving his page at me, he protested, "I don't want to be eight. I want [to] stay four!" I assured him that he was welcome to stay four as long as he wants. Four is a good age. [October: post-birthday, Isaac has decided that five is a good age, too. But he still doesn't want to get older than THAT!]
  • Rachel peered into Isaac's Sunday School classroom while passing down the hall. All the children were sitting still in their chairs, listening to the teacher... except Isaac, who was upside down, with his head in the chair, and his legs waving. Litttle Ellises just aren't very good at sitting still.
  • Matthew: "What is CC in email?" Rachel: "Carbon copy. Oh, that's right, you don't know what carbon copies are."
  • Rachel: "I'm very restrained in my use of The Look, considering what I put up with."
  • Melissa: "We're having lamb for dinner! And... other things! I think we're having a Jew-over!" [Passover]

February peanuts

  • Melissa is painting the bathtub with my shaving cream. Somehow this is "homework."
  • Me: "Do you think Rachel would want me to wake her up for stake women's conference?" Christine: "I don't know. It's not like you usually get to church on time."
  • Isaac is the Ellis Go Fish champion. This really burns Matthew up.
  • A co-worker, to me: "I'm so grumpy lately. I make you look like a saint!"
  • 5:45 AM fire alarm at the hotel. Co-worker: "Ellis didn't have time to put his shoes on, but he did have time to grab his laptop!"
  • Isaac is starting to argue about my attempts to speak French. "I say five, not cinq. I say shoes, not chaussures." But, he can be tricked. "Est-ce que ce sont des chaussures, ou des sandales?" "Chaussures!" [October: he no longer argues, but he still defaults to English most of the time.]

January peanuts

I didn't realize I was so behind on Peanuts posts...

  • Cleaned the church with the three older kids. I was a bad manager and after a brief stint emptying trash bags from classrooms, they joined other kids running around the gym and the halls. Later I passed Melissa, chasing some younger kids with a feather duster. She stopped and grinned at me. "I'm chasing the boys! Usually Matthew chases me. This is more fun."
  • Rachel: "I need to kill more zombies before bed. Plants vs Zombies is dumb, but strangely satisfying."
  • Rachel: "Do you want cupcakes? Or chocolate cake?" Corinna: nods enthusiastically. Rachel: "I'm not going to argue with a one year old." Corinna got both.
  • Christine: "Your back is tough to massage. It's ... insulated."
  • Me: "I have two meetings scheduled at the same time on Thursday." Rachel: "That means you can get out of both!"
  • Rachel: "Why did you put your shirts in your drawer this way?" Me: "Because I thought it was better than leaving them in the suitcase?" Rachel: "This looks like a sloppy Matthew drawer!"
  • Me: "Where is middle C on the alto clef?" Rachel: "Right on the middle line. You didn't know that?" Me: "No. I don't play viola."
  • Christine: "I wouldn't say you're old. Just, because of you I'm aware of a lot of things most people my age aren't."
  • Rachel taught the kids about Mobius strips. Minds were blown.
  • An email I sent to Melissa's teacher, Re: Melissa's homework: "She is at the table yelling and screaming. We are done fighting her. She has two problems done. Threatening to email you had a brief effect but it has worn off, so we are following through. She can do the rest during recess." [October: she has made a lot of progress since.]
  • Nerf guns will be a lot more fun once there's nobody in the house who thinks the darts are snack food.