May peanuts

• I'm getting impatient, waiting for Melissa to finish her dinner. Rachel laughs: "This is the girl who can take 30 minutes to eat an English muffin."
  
• Matthew and Isaac are singing "The wheels on the bus" instead of sleeping. Isaac is telling Matthew what verses to do. Isaac: "Beep beep beep!" Matthew: "The driver on the bus goes beep, beep, beep..."
  
• Me, looking at old pictures: "Wow, that beard was really ill-advised." Rachel: "I tried to tell you..."
  
• I had an encounter with one of the Primary presidency in the hallway at church. Rachel Ellis was substituting in Sunday School. "I have to hand it to Rachel. She's doing a great job -- that class is wild. Even more than _your_ kids!"
  
• Isaac is finally strong enough to cock his nerf gun. He has a _huge_ grin on his face. Pow! Pow!
  
• Melissa, looking at family pictures with her mom: "That's me! I'm so cute!"
  
• ‎"If you were sitting at the table like you're supposed to, your brother couldn't pull your pants down." [Isaac gleefully harassing Matthew]
  
• Baby girl kicked Rachel awake this morning, so she got up and made pancakes. Matthew: "You're the best mom ever!" Melissa: "Mommy, where's the syrup?" This illustrates their personalities pretty succinctly.
  
• "Melissa, take your foot out of the popcorn bowl."
  
• Rush of adrenaline when I replied to customer X thinking he was co-worker Y. No harm done this time, but damn, that was a close one.
  
• Doctor: "How much does Isaac weigh?" Me: "They just weighed him in at 14.9." Doctor: "Is that pounds or kilos?" Gosh, I don't know. Let me check: is he dead? No? Going to go with kilos then.
  
• The touchpad on my laptop decided to quit registering clicks unless I pound the living hell out of it. Limping along with external mouse for now. [Shortly afterwards, it stopped clicking completely. That's where we stand today.]
  
• Apparently my brother David used to spar with Tim Ferris. Huh.
  
• OH: "He's not short bus dumb. Just regular manager dumb."
  
• Isaac is leading with three pukes to Melissa's two, but here's the thing: when Isaac pukes he stops, gets it over with and then he's ready to move on. Melissa runs down the hall moaning, dribbling vomit as she goes. Insult to injury: "Why didn't you use the bowl I put right next to you?" "I forgot..."
  
• Matthew: "Do you remember my Skype password?" A month ago: "Matthew, you should make your Skype password the same as your Windows password so you don't forget it."
  
• Rachel doesn't believe me when I say, "the kids ate the chips!" But I didn't have a single one of the last can of pringles and they were gone in a single day.
  
• Isaac came up to me, holding a pair of underwear. "You went potty? Good, I'll help you put these on." He grabs his butt. Uh-oh. "Do you need me to wipe you first?" He removes his hand from his butt and traces a line of poop down the table with his finger. "Got it. Let's go back to the bathroom."
  
• Isaac is eating prunes. With a crochet hook.
  
• Isaac climbed up his dresser to get to Matthew's cactus on top. He learned that cactuses are Ow.
  
• Me: "She might not be on facebook." Rachel: "Everyone's on facebook, even my grandma. Both of them."